Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
