Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
