girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
