I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm really busy with my period
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