definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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