I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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