Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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