You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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