i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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