My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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