I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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