Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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