I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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