at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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