I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
