The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize