youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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