I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
