We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
