I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
