mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
