If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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