i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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