Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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