I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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