You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
