I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
