omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
