Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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