Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize