I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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