My balls are so social today.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
worst night to have a conscience
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
