I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
