her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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