i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
