I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
accomplished twins. life is a go
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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