I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
