So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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