hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
