I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
