she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
