my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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