i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
