she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
