if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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