I'm gonna have a badass scar
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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