i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
