In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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