I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
