A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
