is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
