she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
