on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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