So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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