worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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