Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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