I heard we made out
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i drank out of a bidet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
