So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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