We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
