I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
