I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
