I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
