I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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