you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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