just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
