Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
