Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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