im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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