Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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