I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
