u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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