Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
