i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
